i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
