Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My friends, they love my intelligence
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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