Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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