his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
