I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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