I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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