Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
