If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize