he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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