Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
