I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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