i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
