After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
