the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
