why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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