i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
