I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
