i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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