Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
