Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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