how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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