i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
