I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize