Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
