Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
