ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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