Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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