90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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