you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize