there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
