do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
