we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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