My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
