Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
