So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
vagina is talking i cant
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
