I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
