Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
