he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
