So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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