Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
