I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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