Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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