her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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