??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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This beer is not sobering me up at all
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
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Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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