my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
this just has baby written all over it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
