I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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