I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
