arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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