my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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