i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
We left the knife in your bed.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
