I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
