I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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