Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
