I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
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Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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