Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
