you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
