Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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