ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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