recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?