Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
