And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
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He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.