So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me