Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish