Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(778): View more from British Columbia

i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?

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(778): i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea? http://tfl.nu/q7z7

Replies (44) Good night (3870) Bad night (832)
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(631): View more from New York

guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple

(1-631): View more from New York

whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?

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(631): guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple (1-631): whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread? http://tfl.nu/vnh0

Replies (31) Good night (4458) Bad night (1540)
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(415): View more from California

Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me

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(415): Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me http://tfl.nu/bq34

Replies (20) Good night (1302) Bad night (4578)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?

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(250): is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste? http://tfl.nu/l5cc

Replies (35) Good night (5063) Bad night (2291)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"

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(307): So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that" http://tfl.nu/5p37

Replies (8) Good night (1204) Bad night (4477)
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(765): View more from Indiana

the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....

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(765): the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians.... http://tfl.nu/hvak

Replies (15) Good night (4231) Bad night (1030)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.

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(580): And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities. http://tfl.nu/eu72

Replies (10) Good night (2894) Bad night (814)
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(330): View more from Ohio

98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk

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(330): 98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk http://tfl.nu/zq8d

Replies (3) Good night (1656) Bad night (774)
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(416): View more from Toronto

Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour

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(416): Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour http://tfl.nu/t42p

Replies (4) Good night (2021) Bad night (748)
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(571): View more from Virginia

I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.

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(571): I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone. http://tfl.nu/igvc

Replies (9) Good night (1181) Bad night (756)
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(785): View more from Kansas

And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.

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(785): And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week. http://tfl.nu/s5eh

Replies (10) Good night (746) Bad night (1978)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.

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(484): We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town. http://tfl.nu/27ii

Replies (23) Good night (2126) Bad night (773)
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(303): View more from Colorado

A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.

(775): View more from Nevada

You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?

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(303): A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car. (775): You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car? http://tfl.nu/g6l0

Replies (4) Good night (866) Bad night (305)
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(802): View more from Vermont

Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist

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(802): Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist http://tfl.nu/fe8s

Replies (7) Good night (683) Bad night (390)
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(317): View more from Indiana

No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.

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(317): No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30. http://tfl.nu/14gy

Replies (0) Good night (504) Bad night (251)

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