When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...