i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?