Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
